ABDALLAH GENEROSITY

In the wee hours of the night. The hours that strong believers wake up to pray. They say that that is the time the devil is most active and so they go to their knees to counter attack him and his devices that only know how to bring endless catastrophes. The hours when couples who both have a right and no right to share a bed coincidentally turn and face each other in bed. In the process, one party mistakenly, or rather by good luck – wakes the other up with a touch. It can be a touch like any other. But it happens to be a unique touch. A touch that sparks the bombardment of hormones and forces sleep out of the way. And then the rest is of course, history. The hours that revellers in clubs have used up all their energy and booze in their bloodstreams with dancing both in ways I can and cannot explain here. So they just sit and stare at the coloured bulbs like moths trying not to think about throwing up. By the way do you know when you think about throwing up, it increases your chances of actually throwing up? Too bad that is not the same with a running stomach. No psychological mastery can scare away a running stomach. That is partly because gravity contributes to the speed of a running stomach. It’s good to know these things mjango. You might need to teach your children someday.
Those hours that robbers once again attempt to tempt fate. It could be the house of a tycoon or a bank or even someone’s girlfriend. That is, literally anything that is worth stealing is what they target. Oh be sure they do succeed but not forever. Especially on the girlfriends’ part. They entice them with those things girls fall in love with. That list starts with money and ends with ‘Abdallah’; for those who know who Abdallah is in this case. Allow me to talk about the Abdallah issue by the way. As I’m writing I’m telling myself that it might end up being the subject of this entire blog and perhaps even the title. Let’s wait and see. This piece was headed somewhere else very different from what Abdallah has to offer.
Yesterday at night I was having a conversation with a friend. A she, for that matter. Our level of friendship allows us to talk about anything. Don’t be jealous now. Perhaps you don’t have such a friend because you have trust issues. So think about that before you complain about why you have ‘fake friends.’ She has a best friend who is on her way to being an air hostess. You might be imagining that she is as beautiful as Delilah; the biggest scammer in Samson’s life because air hostesses are assumed to be nothing less than beautiful. Her best friend went through a forced break up basically because she had to face the fact that the man was way too older than her. So the next big date was a mjango who is a pilot. He is half Indian and half Kenyan. He has been checking her out since he flew his first toy plane. All she knew was how to say is no. After her break up, she said yes to the pilot to try see if it would work. You heard that? Trying!
So far, barely two weeks are over and she is tired of the trial. She opted out and now she feels like she needs a man. Ladies, is it normal to reach a point and feel like you need a man so bad? Like you’ve been single for too long until your own company suffocates the zeal of life in you. And not only do you feel like you need a man of your own emotionally, but also, uhm, you know, physically. Physically meaning you need an Abdallah in your life. No, let’s take two mjango. Physically meaning you need an Abdallah in your house. Ah! Let’s bring it closer home, so take three. Physically meaning you need an Abdallah when you turn in bed in the wee hours of the night and walah! Abdallah is there. Abdallah is all you feel. Abdallah is all you want. Abdallah is all you can take. However you will partake of him, as long you have Abdallah. By the way, I am challenging myself to use the word Abdallah how many times on this blog? Thirty. No, let’s make it fifty. Please help me count. And Abdallah is what sends you to sleep. Ladies? I hope there’s more of you here because of the sudden excessive mentioning of Abdallah. Both those who feel like you can live and have lived stress-free without Abdallah and those who feel like cramping or whatever is worse than that because of the lack of Abdallah within reasonable range. So, you may be kind enough to share with us at the comment section if you can live without Abdallah or if you can reach a point and feel like you need a man in your life; with or without the Abdallah. But what’s a man without Abdallah?
So here is a case of one who shared with her best friend and told her that she needs a man and most especially, Abdallah!
I said, “Come on now. She can live without that. What’s that to need like a basic need? Abdallah is not basic.”
She said, “To people like my best friend, it is basic!”
“Shouldn’t she be focusing on establishing her life and racing to achieve her goals in life?”
“Don’t bring things concerning goals here. One goal for a girl who is growing up, though we don’t say it; is a good… you know…”
“Abdallah?” I ask.
“Yes! You see you know what I’m talking about.” She said.
“Who doesn’t know when Abdallah is about to be mentioned?” I ask while laughing.
“But if she really needs it, I can offer her my boyfriend.”
Huh? Mjango you heard that right. She said she can offer her boyfriend to her best friend if she really and she means really needs it.
I said, “Girl you must be crazy! Your boyfriend? How will you even start asking him to service someone else and to make it worse, your best friend?”
“Look, Mjango.” She said, “The world and society we are leaving in today has moved from cheating to being about getting kinky with someone else who is not your bae. Especially with men. Men are naturally polygamous and there’s nothing we ladies can do about that.”
My mouth was now as open as her door will be when her boyfriend comes to visit tomorrow. Call it Abdallah on the move.
“So you’re saying you will not mind when you find out that your one and only man goes all ‘Imenti’ with another chic?” I asked.
“Yes. Okay I will feel it, a bit. But I will get over it because what matters to me is his love, care and attention. May he love, care and give me his attention in a way he doesn’t to other chics. And may he treat me nicely. What I cannot entertain is a man buttering me for whatever reason. Gentlemen don’t beat up women!”
I laughed sarcastically, “You young woman, are also saying that you can lend your boyfriend to your best friend? Where is the ownership of your man there? I thought even the good book says you own the whole of him.”
“To make it clear, I am not lending my boyfriend. I’m helping a friend, my best friend, using my boyfriend. It’s just a part of him that I’m helping her with. Not his heart.”
“His Abdallah?”
“Yes. That one. Plus, you know no man can say no to that.”
I really hoped she wouldn’t ask me whether I can say no. Can I? Can you mjango? I can. For real. But these are tricky times my friend.
I asked, “Will you be there when you’re helping your best friend with your man’s Abdallah?”
“Hell no!”
“And what makes you think that she cannot snatch your man from you? You know you girls have tricky friendships. You pretend to really be the best of friends but you mock each other behind closed doors. You mean you can trust that much?”
“Considering how much I love my best friend, I think I can do anything for her. According to how I know her, she cannot do that to me.”
“Until she does that to you,” I said.
“Let me put that question this way then. What if your man dumps you for your best friend whom you lent his Abdallah? He dumps you because he finds her better and apparently ‘sweeter’ than you?”
After a brief laughter that was meant to disapprove me, she said, “He says I am the best he has ever had.”
Looking at her sharply, “What if she is better than you?”
She went silent and withdrew to her assignment on her laptop. I slowly left while shaking my head. What a world we live in today. Abdallah is now being lent to whoever wills.
So in the wee hours of the night, consider that an Abdallah has been lent to someone somewhere. Someone who may be single or pretending to be single, just so that she may get to experience a different Abdallah than the one she already knows or has never known.
Abdallah out!