I HATE YOU VALENTINE II

In case you missed the first episode, kindly first read it here.
“Hi babe. I missed you.” Jolene hugs a guy. He is dressed like he is from having a rough day at the office; a light purple shirt folded by the sleeves. Behind Jolene is Kat. She is standing innocently like a decent girl. Jolene moves on to say hello to a mjango her boyfriend tagged along with. Apparently, she knows who he is already.
“Babe, this is my friend Kat and Kat this is my boyfriend Jaymo, you know him, and this is his friend. Eli.” Jolene says.
Kat now steps forward and shakes both their hands like the good girl she was taught to be by her mama back in her hometown, Bungoma. She doesn’t notice that the new mjango she had just been introduced to was eyeing her.
They proceeded into a restaurant that was just after Maisha Mart. To anybody else, it would look like a double date. Two girls and two dudes? Have you ever tried a double date by the way? I’m not saying it’s bad. But we cannot really trust ourselves in this present age we’re living in. The present age we are in where crush is not just a word to explain the collision of things. Rather, it is a word that is also used to mean the awkward collision of hearts. Note the word awkward. Mjango you show up with your one and only to a double date you and your fellow mjango have organized. At the middle of it, you notice your chic eyeing your mjango whom you’ve been friends with for the longest time. You notice he is also very chatty with your chic and you figure that you’re just about to get played. So you also join the match and even make sure you have your way with you mjango’s chic. You know some of us lack boundaries so you may even chippo her in vengeance. So go into double dates at your own risk my friends. You can either leave the double date single or polygamous! Now I won’t talk about how the same double dates of this age sometimes turn into threesomes or foursomes for that matter. Then you come crying to bloggers like Mjango to write about how you were infected with herpes!
Anyway, that’s not the case for these four wonderful mjangos. Jaymo paid for the meals but the next bill was to be on Eli when he will be taking Kat out the next time the two meet.

****

“Thank you for accepting to go out with me,” Eli says.
“Well, it’s just that you asked like a gentleman. And you didn’t take too long to make that move,” Kat says. She speaks well by the way. You should hear her English. She is not the type that says “My names are…” when she is introducing herself.
Eli had asked Kat out on the same day she first met her. It was not a setup. Like all other girls, she was invited for lunch by her friend and it is not in her nature to say no to free food. You can win a man when you cook good food for him. But girls are won by buying them food mjango. Take that tip it will help you tomorrow when you meet the girl you’ve been crushing on along the hallway on your way to class. If you’re the type that loses the sense of speech whenever you face your crush, here are the words to use, “Hi, do you mind if I buy you lunch?” I’m not kidding, it works like jinx! And she’ll ask, “When?” And you are to reply, “Anytime you’re free, after class maybe?” Mjango, start by suggesting the soonest time. Ladies are drawn by men who sound and are serious. So show her you’re serious by trying to make it very soon. If she isn’t available at the suggested time, then push it forward to the following day. If she says okay, then there goes your jackpot! But don’t celebrate just yet mjango. It is either you take her number or take her number. If you want to be a disappointed man, then go ahead and let her take your number. She will kick your ego right in the balls! If she says she’ll think about it, then retreat and live to fight another day. You have not lost the battle yet until she says no. And for the men or let me call you boys who do not know what ‘no’ means when she says it twice especially, you’re the ones that make us be called dogs for nothing!
Hey applause for Mjango for the tips for this Valentine’s season, aye?
Smiling, “So are you saying you were waiting for me to make the move?” Eli asks.
She says, “No. If I say yes to that question you will start bragging.”
Kat would later realize that Eli has this ego that he prefers that nobody should touch. His ego defines his personality. He had taken her to Kach Fries food joint at Tuskys Mega Mall. Once again, like it is the nature of girls, she devoured almost half a chicken.

****

This is what she wrote in her diary on that night after the lunch date:

Sincerely, I don’t know what to say. But I feel like I have something in me that needs to be said. Not verbally, just silently with ink on paper. Yes, what else would a girl be writing about in her diary that she has never written in since high school if not about a guy? He is just so intelligent. So it seems I’m into guys who are intelligent. I didn’t know that about myself. He is my definition of the figure of a man that I like. Like, I like the type of men who are manly, both in looks and in their attitude and personality. He has to be older than me. Boys my age are just kids. They are all about experimenting with girls all around. I prefer a man who knows what he wants and settles for and with it when he gets her. And you know what, today I might have just been with the man who fits that description. He is six years older than me. He left high school with an A, completed university and is now working. I guess I can only wait and see where this one goes.

 
On the next weekend, Kat set off for Nairobi. Eli had invited her over to his house somewhere in the middle-class sides of Eastlands. Being just a first year in university, she had no better story to cover up with apart from visiting her aunt who lives in Kayole, which she later did. Y’all have made worse excuses mjango. He picked her up in town and they headed to his small palace in an Uber.
Later that night. “Where have you been all my life?” Eli asked while craning another load of ugali and omena into his mouth.
Seated next to him but slightly facing him, “Why?” Kat asked.
After swallowing, “This is delicious! A girl who can make a sumptuous meal especially omena like this is just the ideal material for this Luo man.”
Trying not to giggle, “Material for?”
“A wife, of course.”
She pretends not to blush. She lifts her feet off the floor and folds them till her they touch her thighs on the couch.
After supper, they lay side by side in his bed.
“So what happens tomorrow?” Kat asks.
“Where would you like to go?”
“I don’t know. You’re the one who knows Nairobi.”
He thinks for a while and says, “I’d like to take you to see my aunt. Or rather my aunt to see you.”
“Well, okay. But why your aunt?” She asks.
“Because she is like a mother to me. The only family I have left. I’ve never told you my life story, have I?”
She shakes her head.
He told her about his childhood that was basically about him bringing himself up. The only close family he has now is his aunt. She was touched by how he now bathes in his own success.
“So Kat, you’re just the right one for me. And with your permission, I’m sure my aunt would love to know the girl who has finally locked my heart.”
Almost immediately, “Yes. I’ll go with you.”

****

Yes, it’s true I have never been in a serious relationship. All I have had are men who wave money before my eyes thinking that they can buy my love. Just when I thought I am the girl who would not experience love, he showed up. Eli! What makes me know he is serious about this? It’s obvious, no man would be so confident to introduce a girl to his family if he is not serious. Plus, unlike other men, he hasn’t schemed hideous ways of tip-toeing into my honeypot. That means that’s not all he wants me for. And as a girl, that makes him a dime to behold and has earned him the possession of my honeypot whenever the appetite for honey springs up. I’ll definitely be back in Nairobi next weekend.

It is said that when a girl is in love, her inner beauty begins to radiate. She is ever smiling because her mind constantly replays the name and moments with her prince charming. Her heart responds in beats. It can be beats in form of Morse codes that spell out his name. It can be beats of a song maybe Soul Provider by Romain Virgo or Ed Sheeran’s Photographs. Or it can just be beating, this time not because it simply has no other job to do but because it has found a reason to keep that girl alive for longer.
“Heey girl. Look at you looking all lovely,” Jolene meets Kat on the streets of Campus on the following Monday.
“You don’t say,” Kat laughs.
“I knoooow!” Giggles, “I know he likes you already. He…”
“Wait, likes?” Kat asks.
“Okay fine, eish. He L-O-V-E-S you because he is ever telling Jaymo how much you’re perfect for him. Cheers girl.” Jolene says and winks.
“Thank you dear. I owe you one.” They hug.
Just before they part Jolene says, “And get that beautiful ‘Cat’ of yours busy now, will you?”
Kat laughs it off.

****

Baby I want to be your soul provider.

Baby I want to stay that way for the longest time.

 
 
They had their first fight on that Saturday morning of her next visit. It was, in fact, the day that was second in the list of bad days in his house. It started with an argument about washing clothes. He had asked her to do his laundry and she said she was not his maid. Had she known that one of the things men uncheck in their list of things to do after she says yes – is washing his own clothes. Just like I hate washing mine. But what choice do I have but to make sure I wear clean and neat clothes until one time I discover that little innocent acts like those lured and eventually trapped a good girl into the caves of my heart? A good girl partly means one that will wash my clothes by the way. She should cook well too! The exam for that is cooking managu. Well, this Valentines if she wouldn’t have found her way to my caves, at least one kind and a fine lady can volunteer just to wash my clothes then. Just for this Valentines. I just want to know how it feels to have a lady wash my clothes.  (Don’t count my mama in this mjango! And don’t send those mamas that wash clothes to get paid to my house and say that that is the lady I’ve been asking for. Silly!) So who’s up? You never know mjango. Hehe.
Anyway, Kat learnt later about men and laundry. But what she was to really learn in a painful way is how to please her man in bed. Mjango, friends, this is a young lady who at that time, was as young as some of you girls reading this. She had never been face to face with Mr. Abdallah like she is now. It looks fierce to her maybe because it is pure flesh that is as hard as a rock.  With time she’d know that ladies, herself included; love it that way. Maybe she had only come face to face with it virtually through the screens she had interacted with in her life. You know, her phone, her laptop or worst case, TV! That is thanks to the curiosity that hijacks the mind of teenagers today. They just want to know how it looks like and how it’s done, and that’s all. Isn’t that what you told yourself on your first time mjango?
She had a phobia for the bed games as you’d expect for a newbie in matters Abdallah! But what she knows is that she wanted it just as bad. Her diary can tell of the fantasies she has been having all week.
He said, “You’re terrible at this!” He clicked and turned to sleep.
Maybe it left her saying she expected that he’d teach her. That he wouldn’t expect a first-year girl, who had never done this before to do it like a stripper. It also left her thinking that that was not the kind of second weekend she had anticipated with her new love. For quite a while in her life, she had started to believe that maybe the pleasure is in the pain.
She had started to learn that he was temperamental, in a way, intolerant of petty things and impatient. That could only translate to one thing, he was a perfectionist and almost all perfectionists have a huge ego.

****

All I wanted was just to make him happy. But it seems I’m not qualified to do that. Maybe I’m not the perfect girl for him. If making good love to a man spices up the relationship, then I guess ours will be as plain as bread.

 
“Kat your phone was ringing while you were outside,” Debbie says.
“Who was calling?” Kat says while bending to finish rinsing her laundry. It’s Tuesday. The two are at Kat’s house. They would go for their 1pm class together after Kat is done.
“Dosi,” Debbie says.
Kat quickly rises and heads for her phone.
“You’re kidding me!” She says and unlocks her phone.
“Prove me wrong then,” Debbie says and continues scrolling through Instagram.
Kat confirms that it was true.
“Kwani you two still have a thing going on?”
Kat quickly says no. Debbie shrugs.
Dosi was Kat’s crush before meeting Eli. They had started having a thing that became rocky especially after Eli had come into the picture. They had never talked since then and now after Kat’s class, he calls again.
“Why did you go silent on me?” Dosi asks.
She tries not to hide her shortness of breath because she doesn’t know how to tell him the new story. She then remembers how the weekend was with Eli and the bruise in her heart bleeds even more.
“I’m not silent now.” She says.
“Well, what are you up to today? Perhaps we can hang out?”
“By the way are you still a gas dealer?”
“Yea. You’d like a refill?”
“Yes. Today.”
“Okay, great. Nitaleta. Then maybe we can chill at your place?”
“Sure,” She says and hangs up.
At 5.30PM of the same day, Dosi shows up at Kat’s house with a 9KG gas on his right hand and a chocolate bar on the other. When she saw him, she felt like the way she felt on the first day he came to her room when she was still staying in the school hostels. That was the first time they kissed. A kiss that drugged her for quite a long time. She had always told herself that Dosi was not the man for her. What she had for Eli was special. More special than a mere kiss. But the guy is a drug! A drug in small locks. A drug that is tall, dark and you know the rest. The next and last kiss would not be a kiss on the lips.

****

How could I have been so stupid?! I don’t know what I was thinking. That through that I’d be able to prove to my Eli that I can make him feel like a man? A proud man? Or was I just in need of that to heal my bruise! The bruise from my inexperience in pleasing a man! My man! Or was I just that obsessed with this son of a gun that I was warned and had warned myself about! Now I am in shit! Deep shit! Aaaaargh!!! I just hate myself right now. Because of just one f****** blowjob!

 Continuará mjango…
Disclaimer: The remarks and sentiments of this and other related blogs are the ideologies and thoughts of the subject character(s). It should not be taken that I, the writer, subscribes to those ideologies and chain of thoughts! Neither do I recommend that anybody subscribes to them but instead learn from them.