Is it just me or do we get the best of ideas while in the bathroom. Taking a bath perhaps is more of a ritual than just a hygiene process. Cleansing our minds from clogs that might have been planted by the enemy within our thinking systems.
After that is the matatu. That’s where the deepest of reflections happen.
I was on my way to Westlands a few weeks ago. One of those calm mid mornings when the fares have gone down and you have not collided with the conductor for having ‘lied’ about the fares while boarding. The thing about situations like that is that the problem is not the money. The problem is the mind games. People like to be told in advance about what they are getting into. If they get into a matatu while the air is filled with hails of 30 bob, along the way they do not expect to be charged 40bob. “It’s just 10 bob,” you might say. You who is in no mood for drama will just give them their bloody extra 10 bob but not without a blister in your heart about why they weren’t just straight forward from the start.
“Go perish with your money!”
It leaves you feeling used, underestimated, lied to and damaged. I know, just 10 shillings more could do that. I realise that’s the same way a mjango feels when they have slipped into a relationship only to discover that they were used as rebounds.
I got to the office at 12.14pm. WiFi performs poorly when the business hours are at their peak. I decided to ask a few guys in my chat list whether they know anyone who may have had a rebound or been a victim of the same. I was surprised to find that they themselves had stories to tell. People have stories out here mjango.
A typical example of a rebound story from an anonymous person is this:
“I had been hitting on this girl for a while but she kept shutting me down saying she was in a serious relationship. I never stopped in my pursuit constantly texting even calling despite the many ignored texts and calls. I even bought her stuff she liked hoping she’d notice me but she kept shutting me down.
This went on for a while till she started responding to my texts regularly, even checking on me. I saw it as progress not knowing her relationship was at the rocks. I remember inviting her over for dinner one day and she showed up. That night we slept together, the fling went on for a while until her boyfriend came calling. She ended things with me without notice saying she was still in love with her boyfriend.”
Ouch,I know. But that was for your understanding about what a rebound is.
So one Alex gave his story:
I remember that day like the way Adam remembers the garden of Eden. Apparently, Garden of Eden is an experience like no other that he has never had. It’s like that one fling that was just too good to be a fling. You have never had another fling like that or anything that comes close to it.
I was staying in a single room when I was in first year. A friend of mine called and asked me whether I’d lend him my house for one night since his girl was to come over. As usual, men do not really have support issues so as a brother, I said it was cool. For all I know I wanted him to be the Alpha male he wanted to be to his woman. On another hand, they’d grace my house with both love and a kinky atmosphere. Maybe her ghosts would remain behind after they leave and twerk for me in my dreams or something.
I assured him I’d be like a guest and I’d leave as soon as he arrived with her. Well, what I may call my meat and he may call his poison was that he was using my phone to talk to her. He didn’t have a phone back then.
To be honest, I didn’t mind at all. So they got in touch and a few cock crows later, on a hot afternoon at around 3pm, he matched into my premises with his woman.
Three words, “Lord of mercy!”
You know the way naturally we match make other people saying there is only a league of ladies a mjango can manage to score. Well, on that day I learnt that to hell with match making, luck does exist. As the good book says, “I have seen beggars ride on chariots and princes walking on foot.”
I also realised that a mjango may not have the looks, no money like a rat but he has what is called ‘lugha‘ in slang (Good vibes). Naturally, before money became a deal breaker for ladies in the present days, ‘lugha‘ was what swept ladies off their feet. Sweet and fast talking guys spell doom for a lady’s concentration and defense game.
I scanned her in a split of a second and I felt my intestines tying knots. I would be lying if I said I didn’t ask the heavens why she wasn’t mine instead. The same heavens do say, “Do not covet,” but eh mjango, I was first a man before being a brother.
I only complimented saying that she is cute and made my way out. Comrades like to call it Exile.
Well the memory of a man is as short as a foreskin. I forgot that a beautiful damsel had walked on my carpet and even laid naked on my own bed. I remembered her again when she texted a few days later asking for her mans. Like the brother I was, I simply reported saying he wasn’t there and like the man I am, I took that chance to get to simply know her.
Not long after, dude got a phone. An argument between them ensued and guess who was the reason for the bad blood between them? Me! That she had been talking to me. Any man would throw tantrums over that but she texted me and continued to talk to me. If she was as loyal as he wanted her to be, she shouldn’t have continued to engage me.
She texted me later that night saying they had had an argument. I played the gentleman and painted the guy as being insecure and untrustworthy. I told her that she deserved someone who trusted and respected her. Clearly, the guy had been contemplating over leaving her and just like that, he did so the following day.
I was the first person she called. Her sobs got in the way of her words, I could barely hear what she was saying. I asked her to come see me and I even sent her fare.
The very moment she showed up at my doorstep, I could see vulnerability in her eyes. Like it was all she needed, she locked her hands around my shoulders. I can never forget the warmth of her embrace and the smell of her desperation for something deeper than just a consolation.
I kicked the door behind her and pinned her on it. I took that chance to lock it. Being a man, quite an experienced one for that matter, I knew better than to say so many words in such an atmosphere. Words are like water in a fire. Instead, I shut up and let the touch of my lips, the caress of my hands around her back – to do the talking. Call that adding fuel to the fire. You bet nobody can stop reggae at that time.
My hands found way to her abdomen. Seemingly, I was slower than she wanted. She took my hand and shoved it beneath her Area 51. There was no greater green light to proceed with no caution at all – that I was going to get beyond that. The straps of her bra were next to fall prey to the fast awakening inborn crocuta in me.
In no time, none of us were still on our feet. That same bed they had made love on about a week ago is the same one the animosity of our sexual chemistry was unleashed like a beast into the wild. It was there when I discovered that I did love her.
It was apparent beyond words that she’d spend the night. I cooked for her and made her feel like a queen ever since then. We lived happily ever after until Hannah did us part two and a half years later. Hannah is my current girlfriend.”
“You broke up with her for another girl?” I asked him.
“Not really. She bleached her skin and it was too much to take in. I loved her dark skin.”
“Did it ever occur to you that you were her rebound?” I asked him.
“Of course. A rebound that killed two birds with one stone. She forgot about the problem causing her pain for the time being and it opened her eyes to who she regarded as fit enough for her.”
In respect to an issue like this that has diverse opinions across the social globe, I decided to get an opinion from a loyal friend, one of the forward thinkers I know. Her name is Martha. The conversation danced around our WhatsApp inbox like:
[1/30, 22:59] The_Mjango: What’s your definition of a rebound?
[1/30, 23:08] Martha: A situationship you find yourself with someone after going through a heartbreak and it all starts with being consoled. Most of the times it’s the girl who is the victim and for sure guys know how to play their cards right.
Some guys are genuinely concerned (like 1%), the rest are just taking advantage of the situation.
[1/30, 23:10] The_Mjango: So are you saying guys don’t do rebounds?
[1/30, 23:11] Martha: I don’t know? but I guess it happens. The cases are just fewer.
[1/30, 23:12] The_Mjango: Haha. I see
So then, rebounds are the same as using someone for your own personal reasons?
[1/30, 23:15] Martha: Ahaa. Yes.
[1/30, 23:15] Martha: Can one just have a rebound just for the company (no sex) and maybe forget about the break up kiasi?
[1/30, 23:15] The_Mjango: Marking that we are agreeing that the person who has sought for someone else as a consolation ground is the one doing the rebound. Yes?
[1/30, 23:15] Martha: Yeah actually ni hivyo tu?
[1/30, 23:15] The_Mjango: Haha. Depends sasa na mtu ? But there is a way sex sweeps the pain off quite well from the spotlight of their minds – according to people, just like alcohol. If you see people resolving to it, then it does a pretty good job but, and the word is BUT, ? We all know the permanent healing is only done by time.
[1/30, 23:18] The_Mjango: In fact, I usually say this. I was telling someone we both know earlier this week – that a relationship is what you make it
If you want a rebound that is sex defined, itakuwa tu ivo ?. Bado ni rebao.
If no sex but just for company, bado tu ni rebao.
But come to think of it, I think people resolve to sex because it’s a major major way of being intimate. And during a heart break, what people crave for the most is something and someone to fill the intimate gap. And that’s how sex comes in handy.
[1/30, 23:22] Martha: About Time, Someone once argued that its not time that heals but the individuals choice to overcome the pain and start having a positive mindset.
[1/30, 23:24] The_Mjango: ?? Ai waah! Debatable. But actually a very good point. Only that it’s debatable. It’s somehow true. Let’s say both time and mindset. Because emotions are like tree barks. The stronger the emotions were on someone, the thicker the tree bark. And when you strip off a tree bark, thicker tree barks take alot of TIME to grow back.
[1/30, 23:30] The_Mjango: So allow me ask. Why do you think a rebound will come in handy in helping a heartbreak situation? What makes a mjango think it will do the abrakadabra their heart needs to pump in the right way again? I know the obvious answer to that would be craving intimacy (even though not physically as you specified.)
[1/30, 23:37] Martha: Personally, a rebound ain’t the best solution but its a temporary distraction. Many people avoid going through the healing journey alone and in a more healthy way(emotionally). So chapchap manenos are the best at that moment but you find that nothing changes after that even after the sex.
The series continues next week mjango.