WHY HE HASN'T PROPOSED YET! (II)

“A man is still a man whether him rich or poor black or white for sure.

The only difference is whether him good or evil.”

Morgan Heritage.

And that is a fact y’all ladies have got to live knowing. You cannot count the number of times your girls have told you that the man you claim to be yours is a player, tomorrow a cheater, next week a flirt and everyday a toxic engine running in your life. Rather, they have told you to hold on there because even heaven knows you can never get a ‘good’ guy like him in your simple life. Saying that he is too good for you and so even if it takes a lifetime until your menopause for him to propose, then wait for him to do so.

(Read the previous episode here.)

They will draw their opinions as to why he hasn’t proposed yet – yet it’s evident in everyone’s eyes that you seem to have fallen for him but he, on the other hand is unbothered by time, love and responsibility to you.

No matter what they tell you, these are my words to you,

A man is still a man!

I was talking to my cousin last Saturday and later on the same night he came back to the house testifying that what I had told him earlier in our conversation was nothing short of the truth. I told him that everyone will always have an opinion about what is good for you. But what we forget is that their opinion is what they think. They have little to no idea why you are still hanging on to that girl, young man, or why you’re still knocking on that guy’s door, my sister. And because they don’t, they will always tell you what they THINK is good for you. You will be a fool to listen to everything they say.

And because of that, before you hit the self-distract button between you and the mjango who is not proposing. Before you call him and tell him it’s over yet it hadn’t officially began. Before you feel heartbroken and opt for that rebound who you’re only considering because you know he has a humongous D! Before you drown yourself with three big glasses of Keg. Before you write to us a note, leave it by your bedside and the next thing we will have to do is break into the bathroom because you have been showering, supposedly, for six hours. Before you generally do anything stupid mjango,

These are the probable list of reasons that I drew as to why he might not have proposed yet:

1.            He is not ready to commit.

A man can tell deep down whether he is ready for a serious relationship or not. He can feel it in his gut that his commitment will not be at 100% when he goes down that road. But that’s a man who knows himself alright. Other confused elements would just propose for the pride of it or because he has found a chance of a lifetime that he swore on his left nut that he would not let it pass. So the question, my sister that you should not be assumptive about is whether your dope boy is ready to commit or better said as: ready to settle.

2.            He probably has a main chic somewhere else.

Yeap! You heard me right. You, my sister, happened to show up in his life when he had another pot cooking. You do realize men are poor at multitasking. Trust me you don’t want to be in the second pot. But you’re too good for him to want to let go. So probably he isn’t proposing yet because he’s waiting for things to go south in the first pot. You’re a plan B. I know it sounds bad. But probably he is just waiting for the right time to make you his plan A because you have won him over. He wouldn’t want to bring you into a house where you’d discover you’re not his only one. Silly? Yea I know.

3.            He is joyriding.

He is probably enjoying having you on a leash. Like a dog that he snaps his fingers and whistles and it comes running to him whenever he wants to play. It’s worse when sex is in the picture. Whenever he has an impending ’hard on’, the sweet talk is revived. He throws his charms like arrows in Game of Thrones. Because he knows sooner or later he will now not be throwing charms but what his nuts know best.

Even if sex is not in the picture, he probably just enjoys the closure. It feels nice for him to have a girl call him ‘babe.’ That alone is enough to absorb stress of any kind you know. If he hasn’t proposed, and the reason is because he is joyriding – then you must be among the army of girls that call him ‘babe’ every day. And oh yes, he is honoured to call you sweeter names. Only that most likely, he is not planning to make things official with you or the army of girls under his command.

4.            You’re his soft landing ground /safe place.

The difference between this point and joyriding is that the latter is for the fun of it. But you being his soft landing ground is a mile more serious, in a good way. In this particular reason, he is probably closer to having you as his jackpot. He might be a few words away from tying the knot officially with you. But don’t count your chicks yet mama! You’re more like a friend with emotional benefits for him. He just wants to feel loved but he is not ready for the full blown responsibilities that come with love and commitment. And you, my friend, do offer that pretty well for him.

Whenever he needs someone to talk to about crap, you’re there for him.

Whenever he wants to celebrate his victories and pop champagne with someone, you’re the right candidate sister.

Whenever he wants a second opinion, you’re nearly singing it to him in RnB.

Whenever he wants to share his plans with someone, you’re his safety box.

Whenever he needs company to go somewhere, you can even walk with him into a rabbit hole or a lion’s den. Or

Whenever he just wants to feel physically loved, gosh! He says your kisses are the best. Your touch is the softest. And your sacred grounds? Waau! Slippery like a rock under the river and probably more fertile than volcanic soil.

He may also be your safe place. Only that for you, it is the safe place you want to live in forever. You have your heart attached to it. He does like you a lot. But still, for him, all you are is just a safe place.

Experiencing the benefits one would have when having a girlfriend or even wife, but you’re just none of that to him, yet!

5.            There is a short circuit in him in relation to you.

A short circuit is an accidental contact between two points in an electric circuit that have a potential difference.

Take the different aspects in your personalities as wires in an electric circuit. The electric circuit is your relation. The essence of a thriving relationship is chemistry. Chemistry is simply when the two of you connect flawlessly.

The problem or rather his problem is, while you see as if all your wires (personality traits) are connected and he is your perfect match, he on the other side is having a hard time connecting certain traits of yours. He tries but it does what? Short circuits!

According to him, you’re not his perfect match.

There is a missing puzzle in you that he renders very imperative to his connection with you. Probably it’s something about you that he cannot overlook. Probably it’s a part of him that you just don’t touch. And as I said before, a man is more technical. If some essential wires just don’t connect, you two just won’t work and you will be hurt for nothing.

So his failure to propose is probably because he just wants to stay around and see whether it will work in some way if at all he is sincerely hopeful about you two. He is probably doing you a favour by not making it official yet. At the same time, clearly he is dipping your face in a bucket of water by not coming out clean with you. I realise that:

The pain of the unknown is greater than the pain of the known.

You’d prefer to have him tell you that he sees things are not going to work between the two of you rather than stretching your faith too much only for him to snap it with a razor when it’s too late.

6.            He is just taking his time sister!

So just wait. He is the captain of your ship, so leave the sailing to him. He wants to make sure things or rather you have properly titrated into his heart before he can make things official. You wouldn’t want him to make things official half-heartedly, would you? You will be the one on the losing end if he does. So girl,

Just let the man be the man!

If you want to be sure about his intentions concerning you, do it wisely. Don’t do it like you’re forcing him to make the final move. You will disrupt the titration. Do it in a manner just to express that you want to be sure whether it is worth the wait. If he is a smart man, he will do nothing more than reassure you to keep calm, you’re still on sail.

More on how to know your place in a relationship will be talked about in an article I’m mentioning later in this blog.

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You might be whining saying, “If he doesn’t want this why doesn’t he just say?”

Alright. But in men’s slight defense, I’d say we do realise that pouring water on a woman on fire is only going to cause more pain.

Again, in the ladies’ defense, failure to pour that water when it’s a bit safe to do so is only giving room for more pain. A long term pain. The pain when you come clean with her early enough is short term; manageable. The retraction is easier. But when you let her fall deeper, drawing her out is more detrimental.

This is the reason why I believe men should be more assertive and honest than we think we are. If at all you want to be a good man, (because not everyone gives a damn about the pain they cause others), start practicing truth.

I learnt this heavily over the past two years. Them girls would even appreciate you more when you are honest with them. That slight feeling of doubt is what she needs to know about.

Mjango, tell her, “Babe, I am afraid. I don’t know why but I am just afraid.” Then you young lady, don’t go throwing tantrums and renting the air with your irritating sobbing tone saying he wants to leave you. As much we are more technical than emotional, we are still human and we also feel things. Talk it over and explore the root of what seems to be of concern.

Sister, you do well to ask him, “What are we by the way?” Rather than assuming that you found yourself prince charming. You will be surprised at how many girls are singing the same song like you are.

And mjango, that’s your chance to say the truth and shame the devil of heartbreak and tell her what exactly you’re feeling and how you see things.

Sister, beware that some mjangos are more sympathetic than manly. Or they just want to wrap you around their middle finger. They would answer in the way you would want to hear; his confession about his undeniable feelings towards you – but he doesn’t really mean it.

You do well to ask all the necessary questions. That prompts me to say I will soon drop an article on what I call, ‘The Compatibility Test Theory For Relationships.’ The basis of the success of the compatibility test is asking questions however idiotic they may seem. That’s just so you and I may stop walking into relationships with nothing but assumptions.

Sister, if he hasn’t proposed yet, wait! If the waiting seems to be too long, woe unto you if you decide to propose on his behalf. Go ahead, be the man in the relationship. Go on your knee and hold up a diamond ring before his face. Let’s see how that plays for you. But for the sisters who still got their game together, you do well to just ask wisely. You won’t die! Also try not to ask when it’s too late; when you have already fallen deeper than you should.

And brother, you do well not to lead her on if you’re sure you cannot carry her cross. Men can tell when a girl is falling. Don’t lie to us. Of course, nevertheless sometimes people take simple acts of care and kindness as a sign that you’re interested in them. If you’re not going to propose because of shoddy reasons, spare the Lord’s daughter mjango. If you’re just planning your game and part of it is to take your time like a crocodile, I salute you. I know how much of a turn off it is when she decides to take matters into her own hands, forcing the plane to land on official grounds when you’re not ready yet. Sister, I tell you this once, if you bug the man to tie the knot, you’re short circuiting your own chances for something solid with him.

Nimekafunga!