“Okay I am telling you about this in absolute confidence men,” he said and looked over his shoulder as if the ghost that haunts him every day would come and drag him out of the club by his manhood.
He continued, “I don’t want my name all over The Nairobian and some other silly gutter press.” He paused and I realised he was looking at me with blade eyes. That was supposed to show me how serious he was.
“Hey! I got you. Okay?” I said while turning over to the bar tender for the second time to ask whether they had ice tea. She was a medium sized chic with a light complexion and a birth mark at the corner of her left eye. Thankfully, she has a pretty face but a stern one at the same time. All that makes her look like a sexy villain in a Marvel movie. Ah! I have to mention her body figure. It’s like one of the qualifications to work in such a place should be a look that inspires men to keep on buying drinks. Anyway, I could tell she was not enjoying my orders since I was not going to buy alcohol. She had gone through the trouble of telling me about the special drink of the day, a cocktail called Bloody Mary – only for me to ask whether they have ice tea.
“You know you won’t get her attention if you’re not buying a decent drink.” He said. Oh! My apologies, I didn’t introduce my icon of the day. His name is Larry. I almost went on my knees to beg him to allow me to write about his story. A story that I was an ice tea away from hearing about.
“Larry this all your fault. I told you I’m not good with bars.” I said as I fidgeted my fingers on the counter table. Larry was having his favourite, whisky. The doctor of his troubles. He was on his third tot. I figured I ought to be wise and get on with the interview before I lose him to the whisky. I also had an idea about why he was looking forward to getting tipsy soon. It’s stress. Stress from an ordeal he is about to open up about.
“Ah! I don’t need that ice tea to interview you.” I said.
“So then get a better drink,” Larry said.
“I think it’s wise for one of us to remain sober.”
He giggled and took another shot. The first remark he made towards the purpose of our meeting was that women can be the most adorable and most dangerous of people if they want to. He has seen the dark side of the most beautiful creatures the Most High has ever created. I mean, imagine the definition of the word beautiful without picturing a woman in one way or another. He used the word ‘vulgar’ to describe them because of just one woman who trapped him into the miserable man he thinks he is now. I begged to differ without defining term but it was his show, not mine.
“Bro imagine it was just a one night stand! What’s a one night stand to you?” Larry asked. I hate it when my interviewees start guilt tripping. This happens when they want me to put myself in their shoes.
Anyway since I am a man like him, “Yea it should be a onetime thing.”
“Exactly!” He slaps the counter table with his palm. It was okay with me as long as bouncers don’t show up.
Larry had a one night stand with a patron he met at a club in downtown three months ago. The problem is not the one night stand. The problem is what it led to. Unlike a normal one night stand, this one turned into a relationship. They had been meeting in the club quite often before the one night stand. It was a merry club affair up until the two drunks began their one night stand in a taxi and climaxed and eventually ended it at Larry’s place. His house is a small crib that is lucky to have a bathroom and toilet in it.
Maybe that’s why she didn’t want to leave. On the following morning, it was a Sunday as he recounted, they woke up being sober. And as sobriety demands, she should have dressed and left even if she wouldn’t take a shower. That was not his problem. The point was she should have left because you know, “The ‘one night’ had ended. Now she had to ‘stand’ and leave,” as Larry put it.
To his amusement, she woke up took a shower (Thank heavens) and made breakfast. Larry woke up and found breakfast made for him. Something his bachelor-self had not seen and experienced ever since he was kicked out of mama’s house to fend for himself as a man.
“It was like a dream manzeh!” He said. Both a good and bad dream. It was sweet of her to do so. But according to Larry, it would have been sweet if she did that and left afterwards.
“I wish I hadn’t even eaten it. It’s like that was what she used to bewitch me.”
Kwani what were you thinking when you had breakfast with her?” I asked. The long awaited ice tea had finally been served. Seems the hot bartender was not so ‘villain’ after all. I tipped her for that and Larry was like, “Just be careful when you tip them. In fact, pray! That ice tea might be bewitched too.” Now Larry was becoming sentimental. Funny how a woman can make a man resolve to prayers. Larry had never talked about praying before. So shall we say the Lord has His ways of bringing such people to salvation?
“I thought she was just being nice and that we would have breakfast, get to know her name and she’d get to know mine and then boom, it was nice knowing you and now I have to go. My friend, I waited for those words. I’m still waiting.” He said then he turned to ask for a refill.
He took a sip and continued, “Can you imagine she even asked me whether we could go to church!”
I nearly chocked on my ice tea. “Tell me you’re kidding!”
He clicked and flashed another tot through his gut. I realised he was doing as Bruno Mars sang, “One shot for my pain, one shot for my sorrows…”
Larry’s efforts to pressure her out were overpowered by her niceness. He confesses that she was being too nice to him. That is also to say that her niceness extended to the bed games too.
“One thing I can honestly give her credit for is her bedroom abilities. Of all the one night stands I have ever had, that one I will live to remember.”
I laughed, “So brother look at the brighter side, at least you get to have that every day now eh?”
“You think that’s funny?” Shaking his head.
They got down to it on Sunday night again then she woke him up on Monday morning to ask him whether he had a job to go to. Yes he had a job to go to. She warmed water for him, asked him what he wears to work and by the time he was out of the bathroom, his clothes and breakfast were ready. That sounded lovely to me. In my head I was telling Larry how he is lucky to have found a wife material. That maybe she was a blessing that the heavens knew he needed but he was too proud and naïve to ask for. But I know Larry.  He is still a youth in the inside. He wants to have fun first then after he feels he has had enough, then he will settle. He now thinks that such a lady and that relationship so to say, came too soon.
“Before you left for work, didn’t you ask her to leave? You were not used to leaving someone in your house you know?” I asked.
“Of course I did!”
“And what did she say?”
“She would leave. Though she was quite offended. But what did I care?”
“Did she actually leave?”
“Yes. I came from work and the keys were at my neighbour’s.”
“Now how did she come back?”
“She called me on Tuesday morning. I told her I was late for work. She became so concerned after I said that, as if she was the one going to work. The last thing she said on that phone call was that I don’t know how to take care of myself,” he paused.
“So?” I asked.
“That evening, I came from work then I meet my neighbour, an old mama and she’s like, “Bibi yako amechukua funguo.”
The last tokens of sobriety were drowned by the whisky he had pumped into his system. Larry became too emotional and was too drunk to continue with the interview. I carried him out and though he told me not to, I had to call his ‘wife’ to come pick him up. You bet the wife material in her responded quickly to that. I’m happy for him, though he is not happy with himself. When she came, we had a small talk and she was actually really nice. She is a Kamba. I could hear the accent from a far.
I figured that my next interview should be with her. I want to ask her whether she still has one night stands. No not because I want a one night stand with her, even though Larry confessed that she is a pro when it comes to that. A glory men cherish. Or how many night stands she had had before she landed on her type of man, which is my buddy Larry. And what makes her stick with him. Oh I will not forget to ask why she asked whether they would go to church on that Sunday after their sinful night. Hehe.


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Written by The Mjango

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5 years ago

Awesome work bro..these are true aspects of life that happens to most people everywhere…keep the series going ?

Og fyasko
Og fyasko
4 years ago

Hey bro this piece should be continued mehn .I like you ability of creativity and how you build up this stories like some kind of a movie but addressing real life situations….please find away to continue

Kevin Sam
4 years ago

Bro. Awesome stuff. It’s what I see nowadays now that am urban ( you know what I mean, tunatoka faàar) The future is so bright it burns my eyes ?

4 years ago

I enjoyed reading this 🙂 thank you, well written!

3 years ago

The pains you go through to get the work done… great piece Victor ?