Being a blogger is a good thing. The glory that comes with it I won’t say. Lakini saa zingine inafanya nikae mtu wa kiherehere sana. Meet someone who knows I am a blogger; they will be very careful around me; lest they leave themselves loose and find themselves the main feature the next Monday. You won’t die anyway. So here is one chat that I could not keep behind the curtains with a twist and turn. Sema kuwekwa kwa mataa. The level of awkwardness I tell you. But at the end of the day, si mjango ni mjango tu.
Here is the story I could not tell her. She talked of an awkward moment to enjoy. This one of mine? Was none to make fun of:
An awkward moment huh? How I wish I could sue such moments. It doesn’t do anyone justice. It’s my right to get warned that something weird and I really mean weird is going to happen.
So it just had to be on Monday. On such days, of which I never see them coming; I get very conscious of time. So 7:12pm, I took a French leave from our house. I was heading to a neighbor’s house that was blocks away from ours. The house belonged to some lady (I think she is one of the independent kind of ladies.) As far as I knew, she worked to earn a living having is it one or two daughters? I only know one.
So far, the problem was neither where I was going, who I was going to, the time I was going nor the reason why  I was going there. I had all those stated clearly and decisively before I left my house. And just to clear the air, she assigned me a project that I was to deliver in due time after I’m done. Biashara ni biashara. Ama ni kazi ni kazi? Whatever puts you to sleep mjango.
It was a twelve minute walk. The gate was opened by the househelp. A very humble human being (I noticed). The only noise in that house was that of the television and the little hyper kiddo who I tried to keep my distance from lest she crosses my red line. Im sorry I have a problem with kids. I assure you I’m working on it.
“Aunty! Vick amekuja? ” I heard her shout from upstairs.
“Eeh..” The househelp shouted back in response.
I sat in the couch, definitely with a visitor figure. In no time, I heard footsteps descending the staircase. She appeared.
Unajikalishaje apo kama mgeni? ”
Kwani naishi apa? As long as I dont live here, then I’m a visitor.” She giggled as we shook hands. She was still in the day’s office attire.
Just when I was about to present my course for being there,
Aunty mbona hujamwekea chai?” She was standing next to the kitchen counter.
Me? Chai?I had to protest. “Eeh me na chai hatuelewani. I dont do tea.”
She looked back at me like saying, “what the hell do you mean you dont take tea? So what do you want? Whisky ama? ”
Even if she was really offering whisky silently, I just said, “Niko tu sawa“.
Then there was an awkward moment of irregular silence. But I should have known it was a warning
of a bigger one to come. The silence was suffocating me. She started rebuking the kiddo for i don’t remember what; maybe it was her kind of effort to chase away the awkward atmosphere.
“So here is the project. Took me a few days. Very intense…” I had to say that so she’d realise how hard I had worked ndio marupurupu zicome through vizuri. I handed it over to her.
After perusing, “Ouw this is nice. Wow. You are really good at this.”
I could sense her spirits escalating drastically. I think that’s what made her remember that she was doing something important before I came by.
“I will surely go through these later. Okay?”
She raced back upstairs unceremoniously, that is when it hit me that we had not talked about malipo baada ya kazi. So what more was I to do than to convince myself that malipo nitapata tu.
As soon as I began leaving, she appeared again, this time standing amid the staircase.
“Vick ukona haraka?”
I inturn asked myself, “Mjango nikona haraka kweli?”
Im so damn sure  a voice was persuading me to say, “Waah! Yes, I’m m in a hurry. Sorry.”
But poor me. I cannot even obey my own conscience.
“Aahm. Si vile kwa nini?”
“Si ukam basi unisaidie kutafuta kitabu fulani it’s really needed somewhere tomorrow. Iko among vitabu mingi uko juu kwa wardrobe na wewe ndio mrefu. Ukienda sijui nani ataweza kuchukua.” (Ii urefu ii!!!)
I thought to myself in a split second, “Eh? Enyewe inakaa anahitaji usaidizi. So why not? What’s the big deal anyway?”
There I was, matching upstairs following her lead, while thinking of how much of a hero I would be because of my American height. (They say) As soon as I ascended up the last set of the staircase, i saw her walk in to a room.
A thought arrested me, “Mjango, omba io isikuwe bedroom.”
But when I set foot at the door step of the ‘room’, I almost collapsed when I finally got to see that that was really the place I had agreed to come to. Aaki ya nani! Woi Mwhadhani! What have I done? Before my eyes in the middle of the large room was a bed. Not just a bed, a king size bed.
“Yeea mjango. It is really a bedroom.”
I would have really wanted my story to end here.
To make matters worse, she had sat on the bed.
“So this is how you are going to get paid mjango. Kweli kweli!” I regretted.
My conscience gave me another chance to save myself saying, “Toka apa wewe uende. Mwambie umeitwa home.”
Even before I could process that, “Eiy! Si uingie ndani. Mbona umesimama hapo?”
Kwisha maneno. As if I was hypnotized, I dragged myself into the room. I felt like I crying. Sema kusweat!
“Vick calm down. Tulia mjango. Wacha kutense bure. Akuna kitu mbaya itafanyika…” I tried to calm myself down. But my self motivation was short lived.
She was going through a book perhaps pretending she was busy so as not to jump into the moment. Suddenly, she stood up at an impulse and did what? Shut the door! Ouw….. my….. goodness! This was getting out of hand now.
I begun silently mumbling a prayer of forgiveness to my Almighty if anything happens that I would not be able to resist. Nisaidie Baba. Amen! All that while my hands were at akimbo, calculating possibilities of what could possibly happen in the next few minutes.
As if my prayer even didn’t go past the ceiling, I heard her say, “Okay panda apo…”
Haaai weeh? I sighed. I had finally given up within. I had confirmed that it was what I feared. There was no way I was going to fight this.
Panda wapi? Trying not to breathe heavily since my heart was pounding from the provocation of the twist of events, I took a peep at the king size kitanda.
Though before I could do anything, I decided to look at her just one last time, ju huenda sitwai mwangalia tena; to ascertain that she was serious.
And my ouw my! To my amusement, she was looking up, somewhere close to the ceiling, but just behind me. I instinctively turned to to take a look as well.
Alas! It was a pile of books just on top of the wardrobe behind me.
Unaona ile kitabu ya blue? Inakaa counter book? Panda kwa hii stool unichukulie please.”
I was so relieved. I felt like I would jump and just take and give it to her and say, “Shika! Yani ilikuwa io tu? Asante sana! At least. Waah. Nlikuwa nimetense. Nimeenda home sasa.”
Of course mjango, I left without hesitation afterwards. Hio mchezo staki!
Never again in my life.
Ps: This was a special edition to celebrate the new phase and also preparing for major awards soon. Credits to Candy for the story inspiration.


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Written by The Mjango

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6 years ago

Nice one

6 years ago

Karibu nipate heart attack…amazing

Brian Anyona
Brian Anyona
6 years ago

Whoa the part when shen.she closed the door was hilarious mjango…..and.i have to admit i have learnt a new term ‘Tsavo man eaters’ hehe

6 years ago


6 years ago


6 years ago

??????????someone has a dirty mind! But oh well ??. This piece is interesting. I enjoyed it. And about the awards, can I vote??

6 years ago

Thats what i was talking about mjango……Nice piece…Moto kama pasi

6 years ago

wali mjango hizo moment hukua tempting……ata usiseme kitu