I never thought id dispute any English saying, though I’m an English man. They were all very applicable, practical and realistic. It was that way when telling it to other people. But wait until you discover that one is applicable to you. It could be through your own assessment or anyone who implies it while speaking to you. It’s a sickening moment, not for everyone. For that matter, it happened that my conscience caught me red handed. Boy oh boy my days are numbered.
So not long ago, I happened to be in Kenyatta University…… Yes you only need to know hadi hapo. At 2pm, I left the premises treading past young lads and lasses up and about their businesses, and so was I. God be my witness, I had nothing else in mind apart from landing in Roysambu ASAP. I approached the fly over staircase, determined to cross over to the other side.
I tried but still found myself walking with my head down. Was it gravity acting over my height? Okay it happens when I think too much. With my head down, guess what my eyes spot. Legs! Bare legs! Uuuw yeea. Spotless, African, not so dark legs with feet in pretty black doll shoes. Zguembe nayo? Okay not the luhya type. Size yake tu.
“Damn whose legs are these?”
Or should I say, “What are thooose!”
I crane my head up to investigate further. My eyes; (hayana pazia) show me that the adorable legs show doesn’t end where we expect it to end; the knees. The show goes higher and higher…… okay not all the way up, a little bit loooower, hapo tu mjango. The baseline of the pink skater mini dress dangled to and fro as an indecent breeze threatened to spice up the leg show. Had it made good its threat, I could be blind now. You know some people have never seen those things. I was not disappointed when I looked further up. I call it the rear entertainment. The mdada really had talent in locomoting herself with those legs. Wuuh! Dare to watch mjango. Need I say her hair? A long pony tail, smoothly aligned and glowing. Call it a manly case study.
At the peak of the staircase onto the fly over runway, I pull myself together. In my mind I had certainly approved that that was a good dendai. I appreciated what I had seen and I had had enough. When I was just about to initiate the processed command from my mind to overtake her and go onto pursue a matatu, suddenly, someone hits me by my arm. It felt like an elbow, I was ready to defend myself from the impending provocation. As expected, I breathed in real heavily. It could have been my last, wacha vile najichocha hapa.
Upon turning my head to the right,  I see him. A mjango; a dwarf version of Hercules with an accent. He was a dark guy, pumped with muscle. He had facial hair that did not look good on him. What made me let loose was his comic eyes and suspicious smile. No, suspicious is not the word. Mischievous smile. But I made a mistake; one that I had to. I smiled back in a manner suggesting, “What’s up?”
The game of gestures had begun.
He scrolls his eyeballs to the right and back as he still faced me. That would have been a good time to throw him off the flyover shouting, “Stupid mjango, unaninoki na me ni mwanaume mwenzako!” I had misinterpreted his mischievous eye gesture. But just to be sure, I show him that I’m not getting a thing. He does pretty much the same thing, but this time goes verbal too, “Si kabaya sindio?” I still don’t get. Though I decided to look at what he might be referring to on the right. And my oh my!
It’s the leg show and rear entertainment that I beheld some meters ago. She was still ahead of me and this time, ahead of us. The mjango and I.
“This mjango is nuts. What is he showing me in a public place such as this? Ni kama sijaiona.
He comments further, “We unaonaje? A goodu one eeh?”
Okay, yes it is. I’m a man like him. He is simply appreciating what I appreciated. I needed not pretend. Nijifanyie nani? So I looked back at him giggling and nodding. I found myself saying, “Eeh ameweza.” As if we were programmed or something, we laughed simultaneously. Amidst the laughter, I hit his arm with my elbow harder than the way he did it to me first.
Before we knew it, the admired and esteemed star of the leg show and rear entertainment; quickly took a turn to the left towards the wedge as we took the right towards the staircase; both that led us back down. I told the mjango, mini Hercules, that she must have had her reasons for changing direction so swiftly. It didn’t click what the reason might be.
“Aargh! Acha aende.”Clicks.“Kwani anadhani sisi tukona nini hizo hajaiona?” Okay that was a nasty one. I just forced out laughter for lack of a better response.
When we set foot on common ground, “We unaishia?” He asked as we scanned through a mlolongo of matatus.
“Mimi nadunda roysa shughuli kiasi.”
“Eh wazi. Me naenda apa tu kahawa sukari.”
There, a tout approaches us and pleads with us to be his first customers. We give in. After we had a series of laughter and boy mouthing on this and that, he alighted. Fun to hang out with. I realized through all he said that he was a celeb in some way. His buddies are some top Kenyan artistes. So there was some emptiness in the fourteen seater mathree when he left. That feeling when you suddenly switch off the radio when people are still tuning in. We were the radios in there. That’s how fast brohood can brew.
Hooowever!! All that good crap is suddenly interrupted when I turned to see nani hapo nyuma? The queen of the leg show! Had she been watching and tapping all along? Our eyes locked. Bang!! That was when the huge hand of guilt slapped me back to my senses with this rhetorical ones,
“Had I just made friends with a mjango for checking out a mdada? For a leg show and rear entertainment we both happened to be audiences of?”
I couldn’t look at her anymore. How could I be so stupid? As if that wasn’t enough, a flash back hits me harder than a wrecking ball. Just how quickly she diverted on our way down the fly over. She must have noticed…. Ooouw crap! The mischievous, simultaneous, fishy laughter. Call it what you may. She must have heard it. I mean, two guys laughing an abnormal laughter while walking directly behind her? She had to act real quickly. It made me know that mamdada have a way of sensing danger….. Danger??Oh for crying out loud let me use the right words, who am I kidding? They have a way of sensing .. Team Mafisi!! #sobbing. Gosh that hurts to say. Me? A fisi?
Damn! I could fight to justify myself in a thousand ways, but we were both victims of what makes us men; so i say ‘BIRDS of the same feather, KULA KWA MACHO together.’ There I said it!
Thank heavens parliamentarians did not pass that bill about sijui ogling. I was not ogling! Ogling and appreciation. There is a big big difference. Wanaume mnanifeel? Ah anyway.
Lakini mjango……. NEVER AGAIN!


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Written by The Mjango

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6 years ago

????????what a shame
Ata you didn’t talk to her?? what a bummer!
anyways ???, next time quite ogling and make a move

6 years ago

Hahahahahahhh!!!. kweli Bro…