CHUNGA KUOA NYANI

 
Allow me to show you the shocking result of petty and compromised manhood. Believe it or not.
Because some men live as if the good things of life (A wife included. The good book even says
whoever gets a wife has found a good thing) ; come on a silver platter, or say ‘Bonyeza Ushinde’!
In a way, life is like a lottery. You either win or lose. But sadly mjangoz are busy betting using their lives.
Mjango! You can lose it at any time. In fact getting a ‘bad’ wife (Not bad..bad.. Ati bad between the
sheets. No.No! Don’t think that far. Though if you end up having a dangerous one in that arena, you
must be a strong man, but you can still die. Sorry!)
A wife like the Nyeri women type, who I tend to believe in their single women seminars before marriage
;do go for kung Fu classes. Trust me. Because a man once testified of a thorough beating one night. “Me
niriigia kwa nyuba ata sijui saa gapi usiku. Nimetoka tu kuteremcha tuwiri. Nikapata mama watoto
amenigoja sitting. Kire nakubuka tu, ariniona vita raudi ya kwanza nikakuwa sober. Raudi ya piri, nilitaka
kumuonyesa me dio mwanaume. Sijui vire kurieda rakini niriaamka tu hospitali.” Mjango, that might be
you in years to come, that is if at all you’ll get married. Why? Because you thought and think right now
that women are powerless and inferior.
Anyway, lucky you will be to get a ‘wife’ or is it a ninja wife? Unlike the mjango who will opt for a nyani
kwa sababu ya kukosa bibi. It may sound funny, unrealistic because you think ‘You are the man’ huh?
Once upon a time mjango, I was seated in a beautiful garden someplace in ‘The place to be” right here
on Kenyan soil. Seated with two pretty she-types who are those great friends who I ever tell you about
eh? (Meza wembe!). I ended up asking them about female independence I hear being campaigned all
over. Little did I know I had added sulphur to the fire. Dark-Type says, “Vick, I wish you knew the pain
men cause on us (Ladies).” That was when my eyes widened at the realization of where the conversation
was heading. “It’s a pity that you all still think we are in the olden days where you could suppress a lady
just because. Doing anything to her comfortably because she is just a SHE!” I try to cool the heat, “Bu..
But.. N.. Not all men are like that.” Brown-type, “None of you can be trusted anymore. You even spoilt
the true meaning of love. Ask any girl out there, she does have a horror story of what some guy once did
to her.” I’m sweating… Dark-type, “The level of mistreat and deception! Full of lies! You become the king
of her life, make her ‘open up’ then one morning, a friend of hers starts bragging of how you are so
charming. Me and love? We are done!” Brown-type, “To make matters worse, you start blabbering to
everyone how much she is a slut!” I’m still there with a dry throat. I say sheepishly, “I feel you dears…”
They both go, “No you don’t!” Okay now that, I didn’t see it coming. I had to do something fast. “So you
opt for no love no nothing?” Dark-type, “Precisely Vick.” Then I try making a joke, “… so you gonna be a
A
nun?” It hits the wall, “Hell No!” Though thank heavens Brown-type giggles a bit. “Okay seriously now,
what does that mean?” Dark-type responds, “I think I can do without a hubby. And I’m not the only one
with such a resolution. How many single mothers do we have out there? What’s the reason behind their
singlehood?” I had to answer, “The foolishness of men… But, I have a question in conjunction. I know
there are men who are real and aren’t boys in big bodies and humongous manhoods. Can’t you ride in
the sea of bravery to get the real man?” Brown-type, “Ladies are light-hearted Vick. Once bitten twice
shy. But if the Santa of luck drops the real guys in our lives, then we will do with that. But how many
such guys are there out there?”
Mjango, I was and still am challenged and so should you. Gone are the days when you would hip and
hop from one she-type to another. In case you didn’t realize, SHE-TYPES JUST GOT WISER. What if the
time comes when they will strictly opt for real-man or no man at all? Just where do you lie?
Who is that you say “You were just joking with” and now you want to dump? So that you’d jump to who
afterwards?
Nani uyo anakupea namba ya ule mrash ndo ujipime nguvu?
Akina nani mnaenda kuparty nao? Utamshikia mzinga ndo akibleki um….?
Unampendaaaa na bado humpendi?
Si kanaringanga na io… na vile… akona… hana…??
Amekupromise… Only if..Hautambreak heart?
“Bae bado ntakungoja ata wewe umalize high school…”
“Ni nini bae?”.. “Nikona ball imagine”.. “ATY?”.. “Serious…”.. “Ah weeh…?… Me siko!”
Mjango? Utawadanganya mpaka lini? Ouw! I know! Mpaka ile siku all your ‘Kamare tactics’ will turn
against you. What goes around? Comes back around.
Alafu? When that day comes, you try the ninety-ninth she-type… “Will you marry me.. Please?” …….
“What? You?! Hell No!! KAOE NYANI!!!”
#NdiyeMwambaNiSalama
Cha kutumaini? Huna!
Wanaumez, this was for us.. Should i apologise? Naah..  but ladies;she-types… don’t brag just yet.. Aye mjango